Put Your Money Where Your Mouth (or at least your form letter) Is
By The Queen of the East, whose Castle Keep is up for sale
May 11, 2018
Dear Reader….
Today I received a letter from the President of my real estate company. The body of the letter follows:
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Bassler,
For 65 years, thousands have entrusted the sale or lease of their home, investment property or land with (Oh, let’s call it..) Acme Real Estate. (Names are being changed largely to protect me from lawsuit.) Thank you for choosing our company and be assured that (we are) the best in the business (and) ahead of the competition. We are constantly evolving our marketing to provide you with the best possible service. Our comprehensive marketing plan for your property is well researched and multi-pronged. One of the aspects of our residential package is our cutting edge online marketing. 90% of buyers first found their homes online. Due to the large consumer base that is on the internet, we have a multitude of online resources and an immense online presence to meet this demand. One exciting feature included in our aggressive marketing plan is our single property website for all our residential clients! This will exponentially expose your home to thousands of buyers through a tasteful, informative and attractive website linked to your listing, branded with Acme Real Estate’s well recognized logo.
Please explore all the amazing value that we have added to selling your home through Acme Real Estate. Thank you again, and we hope to soon put a SOLD sign in your yard!
Best Regards,
John Doe
President of Acme Real Estate
A nice letter, a polite letter, that was, I am sure well intended (and possibly also multi-pronged). It might have been even more impressive had John Doe signed it himself, but alas, his faux signature was all part of the pre-packaged form letter, and good old John does not likely know that he has sent us a letter, much less who we are or what we hope to sell.
The letter is also a bit flowery…..not, I suspect, John’s normal pattern of expression. Had I been his secretary-in-charge-of-sending-form-letters-to-clients, I might have been tempted to rewrite the letter thusly:
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Bassler,
Long before I ever heard of this outfit, a lot of people entrusted the sale or lease of their home, investment property or land with Acme Real Estate and hoped for the best. Thank God you chose us, as we are hungry for business….people don’t sell their homes every day, you know? Rest assured that our company has clawed (or is clawing) its way to the top, and we intend to stay there! Our sales strategies are changing constantly as no two people can agree on anything around here, and we’ll try anything once. With any luck, we hope to provide you with the best possible service. Our detailed and confusing marketing plan for your property is well researched and multi-pronged. (Resembles a mountain goat?) One of the features of our residential package is our cutting edge (developed by the owner’s geeky nephew) online advertising. 90% of buyers first found their homes online. In many cases, their tech-savvy friends or relatives actually found them, but the end result was the same. Due to the vast pool of humanity that is on the internet, we have a ton of online resources and a truck load of online presence to deal with these mindless hordes. One knee-slapper included in our aggressive marketing plan is our single property website for all our residential clients! (And/or those with geeky friends/relatives) This means your home and personal information will be exposed to thousands of the great unwashed through a good-looking website, which God-knows-how is linked to your listing, although, to be honest, Acme Real Estate’s well recognized logo is even bigger than your listing.
Please explore the wad of literature we’ve sent to assure that you probably have no idea what we are actually doing. (Sometimes we don’t either!) Thank you again, and we hope to soon put our percentage of your sale in the bank as well as a SOLD sign in your yard!
Best Regards,
John Doe
President of Acme Real Estate
With apologies to Mr. Doe, who may or may not deserve even good-natured ribbing, I feel obliged to send a response to his letter, which was a nice letter, a polite letter….even though he probably doesn’t know he sent it. The art of letter writing is a dying art. As such, it deserves to be on life-support as long as possible. My message to Mr. Doe follows:
Dear John,
Thank you for your thoughtful and multi-pronged letter.
In 76.75 years of living, I have had occasion to access members of the Real Estate World less than a dozen times. As best I recall, yours is the only letter of its type that has ever been sent my way. Thank you for assuring my husband and I that your company is tops. We appreciate that you are constantly evolving your marketing to provide us with the best possible service.
However, your marketing plan for our property could be even more comprehensive. You, too, could be one of the 90% of buyers, who first found their homes online. Due to the large consumer base that is on the internet, you will have to act fast to beat out the competition: but, that is something you have already assured me you are good at doing. As President of your company, holding additional titles and credentials, you are, we assume, pulling down a pretty impressive salary. Why not put some of that money to good use: buy our house…..and at once increase the company cash flow and ours?
One exciting feature of this aggressive marketing plan is that our 5 acre, wooded property is located on and has access to what is arguably the most beautiful golf course in the Southern Tier. So, you will look more like the successful and well-heeled executive you are and we can not only move on, but also write you one heck of a sterling review. This will play well on that website for all your residential clients! It will exponentially expose your company to thousands of potential buyers and sellers….and, of course, would feature Acme Real Estate’s well recognized logo.
Please explore the concept of both buying and selling our home through Acme Real Estate! Thank you again, and we hope to soon see your SOLD sign in our yard!
Best Regards,
Lida and Dick Bassler